Social media is often blamed for rising levels of low self-esteem and depression among young people – and while there’s truth to that, the reality is more complex. In this article, we explore how the online world truly affects children’s confidence.

ESET spoke with child psychologist Jarmila Tomková, who offered expert insights and practical advice for parents who want to raise emotionally resilient kids in the age of social media.

Is it really all technology’s fault?

Child psychologist Jarmila Tomková argues that a child’s overall environment and psychological well-being play a far more significant role than we often assume. “The most important factors are the psychological state of the children, the quality of their relationships, the variety of their hobbies and skills and overall sense of safety and opportunities perceived in their family and culture, as well as the political environment in which they live,” Tomková says.  “For instance, research shows that people who have lived in authoritative regimes get more confident when they first encounter the online world and all its possibilities. Through technology, they can stay in touch with the outside world and gain access to all different kinds of information. They suddenly have a chance to express themselves and share their opinions.”

As a parent, you may not be able to influence broader factors like culture or politics – but you do have a powerful impact on your child’s everyday life.

“When children are happy in their everyday lives, they have healthy relationships with both family and peers; they feel satisfaction with one or more hobbies, are aware of their own skills and feel safe, they are more resilient to risks online and off. This way, their confidence will be less vulnerable to the potentially negative effects of technology,” Tomková says.

Could the online world become a confidence booster?

While the risks of the online world often take center stage, it’s important to acknowledge that, in some cases, digital spaces can support a child’s confidence – especially when used in active and meaningful ways. If a child expresses themselves by engaging with online spaces, building connections, or sharing their interests, the experience can be empowering.

For example, children who are shy or socially anxious might find it easier to make friends online than face-to-face. Those who struggle to stand out in sports or academics may thrive as valuable team members in online games. Similarly, children who feel different from their peers – whether in appearance, personality, or background– often discover online communities where they feel seen and understood.

Some young people also find that it’s easier to express themselves online than in person. The digital space can feel safer, more forgiving, and easier to manage – a kind of buffer between the self and social judgment. That can be liberating when their opinions are welcomed, but painful when they’re ignored or rejected.

As psychologist Jarmila Tomková explains: “Just by pressing the ‘like’ button, children may demonstrate that they agree or disagree with something. Social media apps also provide simplified instant feedback, which is very attractive during adolescence because teenagers’ self-esteem is very unstable at this age. They tend to compare themselves to others a lot more than adults do. When they post something, the number of likes or comments immediately indicates what others think,” Tomková suggests.

Beware of “Looksmaxxing”

Looksmaxxing is a growing trend on social media that encourages teenage boys to improve their appearance – sometimes in extreme and unsafe ways. While taking care of one’s skin or exercising can be positive, many online communities push boys toward harmful practices like crash dieting, over-exercising, using age-inappropriate skincare like retinol, or even trying to physically alter their bone structure. These efforts often aim to achieve unrealistic ideals, such as sharp jawlines or hollow cheeks, which are widely promoted online. Experts warn that this pressure can harm a young person’s self-esteem and mental health, increasing the risk of anxiety, body image issues, and unhealthy behaviors. As a parent, it’s important to stay aware of these online trends, talk openly with your child about body confidence, and help them focus on health and self-worth rather than chasing filtered perfection.

For teenagers, peer validation and social status are deeply linked to how they perceive themselves – and social media intensifies this dynamic like never before. Likes, comments, and shares can feel like real-time scores on one’s worth, leading teens to monitor their online presence with urgency or even compulsion. That fleeting sense of approval can become addictive. And when the feedback isn’t there – when a post is ignored or met with negativity – it can feel deeply personal, even isolating. What was meant to offer connection can suddenly become a source of rejection.

This emotional volatility is especially tough on adolescents, whose sense of identity is still taking shape. At its worst, exposure to online hostility or cyberbullying can cause long-lasting damage to a child’s self-image. That’s why building offline resilience and emotional safety at home matters more than ever.

How can I support my child in facing online feedback?

As a parent, you can’t control how the internet will respond to your child or the content they share – but you can help them prepare. Start by talking openly about what negative feedback looks like, and explore the different ways in which they can respond to criticism, especially when it’s anonymous or unfair. It’s equally important to help them recognize the line between constructive criticism and online harassment.

“Before children join social media, they need to know what they may encounter there – including negative and often harsh comments. First, we should discourage our kids from being mean to other people – online and off. We should also let them know that when people are being cruel to them for no reason, it is not their fault, but rather it shows the unresolved issues of people who mistreat others,” Tomková says.

The psychologist also highlights the importance of giving children practical tools to deal with these situations: “Kids ought to know that they may always approach their parents or trusted peers, who can help them deal with the situation. If the feedback they receive online gets too harsh, they should take a screenshot and show it to the people they trust. Parents should also teach their children how to report inappropriate comments and posts. When children know how to do these things, they feel more resilient.”

In addition to protecting children from negative online experiences, it’s just as important to help them put positive feedback into perspective. The rush of likes and compliments can feel exhilarating – even addictive – especially for teens whose self-esteem is still forming. That’s why balancing online praise with real-world encouragement matters.

Make sure your child feels appreciated not just for their achievements, but also for their curiosity, effort, and kindness in everyday life. Even small gestures like recognizing how they handled a tough moment help build lasting self-worth. Encourage conversations about how online feedback makes them feel and help them reflect on the difference between instant responses and meaningful, long-term growth. When their confidence is rooted offline, they’re less likely to become emotionally dependent on every like or emoji.

How can you support your child’s confidence?
Get inspired by tips from child psychologist Jarmila Tomková
 
  1. Find time to spend with your children. Even though you sometimes get busy, it is essential that you also spend quality time with your children. You should find time to pay full attention to your kids, talk to them and strengthen the parent-child relationship. This will make the children feel safe, more confident, and less likely to use technology compulsively.
  2. Give children some responsibility. Let them take care of a plant or a pet, include them in housework, let them take their younger siblings to school. By giving them simple tasks and appreciating their efforts, you can help them build both independence and confidence.
  3. Encourage children in their activities. Let them try different kinds of hobbies and explore what they enjoy. Be supportive not only of their successes, but also of the effort they put into their activities. You may also encourage competitiveness in a healthy way, for instance through play – but not by comparing the skills (or the lack thereof) of your child against other kids, including their siblings.
  4. Do not degrade yourself. Children tend to look at the authorities in their life and mimic the behavior they see. If you are your own worst critic, your children may act the same when speaking or thinking about themselves.
  5. Teach them that success requires determination. We’ve all been there before: a child takes on a hobby and enjoys it. But then they go through a crisis and want to quit the hobby altogether. It is important to support children while also explaining to them that sometimes, it pays off to keep trying. Once children overcome these moments, they may feel even more proud of themselves and their accomplishments.

So, is the online world a happy one?

Let’s say your child is successful online – their posts get likes, compliments, and positive attention. Will that automatically boost their confidence? According to psychologist Jarmila Tomková, it’s not that simple:

“It depends on the way kids use the technology. For instance, it is not psychologically healthy for a child to spend more than one hour a day on social media. If they exceed this time, it does not matter what kind of feedback they get — their confidence will diminish. Excessive use of the internet and social media is linked with increased depression and loneliness, and lower self-esteem.”

This is where your role as a parent becomes crucial once again. Talk with your child about healthy boundaries — not just in terms of screen time, but also emotional expectations.

Even in its most positive corners, social media tends to present a filtered version of reality where everyone’s life looks happy, successful, and polished. This can leave kids feeling like they’ve been shortchanged by life. Explain to them that it’s normal to post highlights like birthday parties or football wins but it is also normal not to see the moments when someone is cleaning their room, feeling anxious, or struggling with schoolwork. These unseen moments are part of every life, no matter how perfect it might look online.

Finally, one of the most empowering messages you can share with your child is that they don’t have to be passive consumers of content — they can be creators, too. Whether it’s a thoughtful post, a funny meme, or a photo project, helping your child express themselves online in creative and kind ways reinforces their agency and confidence.

“We should explain to children that when they post something online, they are influencing the people who follow them. By putting them in the active position, they can feel responsible – and, as a result, also more confident. Additionally, if they create a positive space for other people online, they may positively influence the confidence of their peers as well,” Jarmila Tomková concludes.